On Choice
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”
- Epictetus
Each of us is more in control than it sometimes may feel. Even when much of “life” seems beyond our control, we all hold a critical power – the power of our thinking, our mindset, our reaction.
This power provides us with choice. We can choose to view life’s inevitable twists and turns as obstacles, or as opportunities. There are (at least) two sides to every coin, yet our reaction is not a coin flip – it is a choice between that which serves us, and that which holds us back.
It seems simple enough – who wouldn’t want to choose that which serves us? But simple does not mean easy. What’s easy is to let regressive thoughts win. In the face of adversity, it’s easy to tell ourselves that an undesired outcome was inevitable or see ourselves as victims of our circumstances.
Early on in my career, during a performance review, I was all but assured that a promotion was imminent. Over the next few weeks, some others in my cohort were promoted, and I was not.
I found myself resentful towards all my colleagues - I felt like I was misled. I found myself thinking maybe I didn’t deserve it after all. This negativity fundamentally changed the way I was showing up at the office.
My coach broadened my perspective, helping me discover that how I responded was a choice: I could choose to show up as the best version of myself, or the resentful version. If I were in my manager’s shoes, which version would I be more likely to promote? The choice was clear.
Epictetus beautifully captures this nature of choice. While true that I had not yet received a promotion, what truly mattered was my reaction. More broadly, life will inevitably throw challenges your way, but if there’s anywhere we have influence, it’s how you react.
In choosing to honor the best version of myself, I think I exerted some influence on the situation – not only did the promotion arrive, but I was assigned to one of the most prominent accounts at the company.
I learned a valuable lesson over those weeks. Just because something hasn’t happened yet, does not mean it will not happen. When I chose to believe that it was never going to happen, I was miserable. When I chose to shift my thinking, to react differently, the very thing I was after followed close behind.
Some questions to reflect:
Do you see your reaction as a choice?
How might it benefit you to embrace a different view?
In the face of adversity, do you find it easy to be negative? If so, why is that the case?
Through coaching, clients can discover the patterns of thinking that inform their reactions, and explore how they can choose to do things differently. If that type of work feels like it would get you closer to where you want to be in work or in life, let’s connect. Email me at jake@jakelanger.com or book an introductory call directly on my website.
