On Greener Grass
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Even though we know that comparison is the thief of joy, many of us fall victim to an all-too-irresistible tendency to view the grass as greener on the other side. These judgments are rarely innocuous – they stir up negative thoughts, jealousy, dissatisfaction with ourselves.
Unfortunately, we cannot control other people. Yet when we make assessments along the “grass is greener” paradigm, our attention goes outside ourself into others. Our attention becomes focused on that which we cannot control.
In general, but particularly when we find ourselves making judgments, it’s imperative that we do whatever we can to refocus our attention on ourselves. We must do this not because we’re selfish, but from the knowledge that attention and energy are closely linked. Where attention goes, energy flows.
We don’t know what’s going on with others – the work they’re doing to improve, the challenges they face, and definitely not what they’re thinking. What you perceive as effortless success, or even luck, could be the result of years of effort. Or what seems like an easy, fortunate life, could be a carefully curated illusion.
Even though we may believe the grass is greener on the other side, greener doesn’t necessarily mean healthier. Sure, maybe their “grass” is thriving from years of intentional care – but it could also be artificial turf. It could even be spray-painted to appear lush, obscuring dry and brittle roots (i.e. unhealthy or destructive habits).
When we perceive someone else’s life, career, or relationships as inherently better than ours, it’s a judgment based purely on aesthetics. Not on substance.
Even if we lack the ability to discern what’s real and what’s not, we have control over where we place our attention. Fixating on others’ seemingly greener grass invites envy and self-doubt. What if we focused instead on tending to our own?
What’s implied in believing the grass is greener is that yours isn’t as green as you’d like. When we turn our attention inward, we’re left with two choices: make it greener, or find a new plot of land, one better suited to you.
You can fertilize the soil, pull the weeds, and crucially, be patient – growth takes time. Coaching is a way of fostering self-improvement consistent with this metaphor. Fertilizing the soil and pulling weeds can stand in for developing new, healthier mindsets, habits, and skills, and eliminating ones that no longer serve you.
Or, if your intuition tells you you’re in an environment where no amount of effort will leave you thriving, you can choose to move. Along these lines, coaching can help you develop the self-confidence and courage to make change, eliminating fears of failure or making an uninformed decision that might be holding you back.
Whichever way you choose to focus on your own “grass,” action is imperative.
What does not serve you is standing still, staring at someone else’s yard and wishing it were yours. When you do this, you strip away your ability to make your own life richer, stronger, and more resilient. Because the real truth is, the grass is greenest where you water it.
Some questions for reflection:
In what ways do you compare yourself to others?
How do such comparisons leave you feeling?
What can you do to focus on your own “grass”?
Shifting your mindset out of comparison and into self-improvement is one of the many ways that coaching can generate transformation in your life. If you’re interested in exploring how coaching can help inspire change within you, please don’t hesitate to reach out via email or by booking an exploratory call on my website.
